Alien Quotes

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I don’t know if I’m the only one who’s noticed this, but the whole “Aliens” film series seems to be a great source of quotes for workplace situations and office meetings. In fact you could almost make a game out of it — see how many you can use before people notice. For instance, if you’re about to go into a meeting where important board members or trustees are waiting for you, stop outside the door, turn to a colleague, and say:

  • Just tell me one thing. We’re going in there to destroy them, right? Not to study, not to bring back, but to wipe them out. (Aliens)

Sometimes though you know it’s going to be a difficult meeting before you even get to the boardroom door. In this case the appropriate enquiry is:

  • Uh, before we dock, I think we oughta discuss the bonus situation. (Alien)

Now once you get in there, if the office greysuit is in attendance (every company has one — devoid of life, love or even personality):

  • You never said anything about an android being on board, why not? (Aliens)

But if things start to get fractious, some level-headed tactical advice could come in useful:

  • Remember: short, controlled bursts. (Aliens)

And if the opposing faction bring in reinforcements from the outer office:

  • They’re coming outta the walls! They’re coming outta the goddamn walls! Let’s rock! (Aliens)

But if enemy numbers look like they’re becoming too much to handle and things really are going to end badly:

  • We’re all gonna die. The only question is how you check out. Do you want go on your feet, or on your fucking knees? Begging! (Alien3)

Followed by:

  • Game over man, game over! (Aliens)

Followed by:

  • Hey, maybe you haven’t been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked, pal! (Aliens)

And if you really do get overwhelmed, a scorched earth policy over the whole meeting might be the only solution:

  • I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure. (Aliens)

Sometimes it’s not the people you’re fighting against, but the machines. Usually the one with your presentation on that worked just fine on your own PC but is now refusing to play at all. If you seem to have overestimated the tech level of the site you’re visiting:

  • Do we have the capacity to make fire? Most humans have enjoyed that privilege since the stone age. (Alien3)

Expecting IT support to turn up is no good though:

  • They mostly come at night. Mostly. (Aliens)

And if you have to trace the software problems yourself:

  • Is this going to be a stand-up fight, or another bug-hunt? (Aliens)

Sometimes though, inevitably, you will need to excuse yourself from proceedings for a comfort break. If you come back from the toilet to find something really stupid has been agreed while you were gone, the correct response is:

  • Did IQs just drop sharply while I was away? (Aliens)

Or if it’s you that’s goofed:

  • I made a decision, and it was wrong. It was a bad call Ripley, it was a bad call. (Aliens)

And finally, if temper tantrums get the better of the attendees, the correct response depends on the gender of the person throwing the hissy fit. For a man:

  • You’re programmed to be an asshole? You’re the new asshole model they’re putting out? (Alien Resurrection)

And if a woman exhibits a sudden unjustified outburst of emotion, then it’s my personal favourite:

  • Waste of ammo. Must be a chick thing. (Alien Resurrection)

Have fun!

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